Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Da Facebooks Timeline - what da heck is going on?

Marvin suggested I address dis - and also - I am a bit confused myself.  And I am very wise, so I am concerned, by dis confusion.

Da Facebooks sent us a message today saying convert to Timeline or else we will make you anyway.  Dis was a most unpleasant message to wake up to.  So I had to consider whether I would revolt against da Facebooks or do their bidding.

I consulted my furiends.  Da Juno, my girlyfuriend, had already switched and encouraged me to do dis too.  And also, da Marvin switched, but dat was on accident and due to lack of caffeine in da morning.

I tooks a vote on my page and switched because da people had spoken and wanted to see me on timeline.

Here are the good things...
1- I can receive messages from my furiends - at anytime... just send me a message.

2- I can send messages to other pages.  Just today I messaged Marvin to tell him I am more awesome.  Dis is obviously a very useful feature.

3- I can make a big picture and a little picture of me.  Or maybe a big picture made up of many little pictures of me and a little picture - the possibilities are endless, but it means a lot more me.

Now dis is all new and very confusings, but we will make it through together.  Here is my big picture of handsomeness featuring da Wilson Potter, da beautifuls Juno, me, and da Pig (she is in da time outs for her stealing problem).  So dis is part of da awesomeness of my new layout... please bear wit me as I get used to it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Conspiracy of the Bigness - Part 1

MichelleDawn asks:  I want to know when you first discovered the conspiracy of the bigness and how you plan to fight it. 

This is a two part question - today I will answer about discovering da conspiracy of da bigness.  Furst, you must understand, when I furst came home, I was skinny and itchy and missing da furs.  I was also heartworm positive.  So... da mom made sure dat I was comfortable and the other dogs didn't bothers me.  So I had comfortable accommodations and me and da Fatty hung out a lot.  We were around da other dogs, but dey made sure we had our spots and dat we were comfortable and stayed calm through da heartworm treatment.

Then... I started felling betters.  Dis is my before and after pic... once I started looking like da after, I wasn't being kept as calm, so I was out and about wit da other dogs more.... and dat is when it began..

 I noticed da Bertha would do things, like block da ramp to da deck so I coulds not get in da house or yard:

Then, she started lording over my man cave with her bigness.. and uniting with other big dogs to form road blocks:
In da final blow - she invaded my most sacred place, da man cave and traumatized my rememory foam bed:

Stay tuned for my next blog post on how I plan to fight da conspiracy of da bigness!  

Friday, February 17, 2012

Short Answers to Simple Questions

Some peoples asked me questions wit da obvious answers.  So iz will write a short blog post to give you the answers:

Kristy asks: What is your most wise and sagest advice for rowdy puppies?

Answer:  First of all, we do not have puppies around here due to their extreme rowdyness.  Their little puppy brains do not understands how to act calm and reasonable.  All you can do is wait and hope they grows up quickly.  

Tracy asks:  How do I keep my stubborn girl bullie from being so stuborn. She knows when she is doing something wrong but she does it anyway :( She is very smart but she wants to do what she wants.

Answer:  She is not stubborn, she knows what she wants.  You are right, she is smarts lady.  I think dat you should stop trying to deny her da things she loves.  Dat is abuse.  And she is too smart to permit it.

Carol asks: Why does an old dog suddenly decide to get into the garbage...after years of not doing so?

Answer:  Your dog has obviously gotten smarter with age.  Da garbage is where people put all da good stuffs dat dey don't eat and don't want us to eats.  It is really a ridiculous contraption.  I am very proud of your dog for figuring dis out and taking out da food it wants.  

Lucy asks:  Why does Pi never end, and wouldn't it be better if it were never ending pie?

Answer:  You are correct Lucy, dat would be better.  I thinks dat it was some ancient trick that did not work.  They thought if they created a ridiculous number that never ends and named it Pi... then someone would decide that everyone could have never ending pie.  I am currently creating a number called Bacon and hoping I have better luck than they did.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Why I am smart, awesome, and hot

Colleen and Juno ask:
Mr Wilson, how did you get so smart, awesome, and hot?

First, I was born a Pit Bull, so I believe that my natural awesomeness and handsomeness started there.  I spent many years developing my wisdom and studying things.  Life lessons are invaluable.  I also have a very big heart, which only adds to my awesomeness.  I was in a bad situation for a while.  The neglect tried to take away my handsome - but it did not succeed.  When mom saw me, she could tell I was awesome, but worried other peoples would not be able to see past my age and condition.  Mom gave me good food, and supplements, and medicine.  It helped to restore my natural beauty.  I love everyone and my happy spirit makes everyone recognize how awesome I am.  I hopes dat through example I can teach people about da awesomeness of Pit Bulls.

I will close with a picture of me showin' off my big chest plus my sexy look - and wit da lyrics from I'm Sexy and I know it...
Girl look at dat body, girl look at dat body, girl look at dat body, I work out... I'm sexy and I know it