Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My furst Turkey furiend - da Bocephus.

I met my very furst Turkey furiend on da Facebooks.  It iz da Marvin's brother, Bocephus.  And I like him.  Because of his handsomeness and awesomeness.  And also, here is our conversation... for you to enjoys.  But furst, I will post his picture - you can see da Marvin in da background... in awe of his handsomeness:
Hello Mr. Wilson... I am Marvin's turkey brother, Bocephus. Marvin help me set up my page, as many have asked questions about me and the daily life of a turkey. I hope we can be friends!
 ·  · Monday at 1:37am

  • You like this.

    • Mr. Wilson the Elderbull I am so glad you are on da Facebooks! Question: what do you think of da mop clocks?
      Monday at 9:00am ·  ·  1

    • Bocephus the Ex-Thanksgiving Turkey Da mop-clocks are pretty fascinating creatures. They seem to follow me around the yard (as I believe they think I am their protector). Sometimes they will get annoying and I have to peck at their heads to get my point across. I can tell you one thing I know for sure, they suck at telling time.

    • Mr. Wilson the Elderbull I think because of your magnificent size they probably suspect you are a poultry god of some sort. Question- do you wish you had a lady furiend or do you likes being da only turkey on da block?
      Monday at 2:14pm · 

    • Bocephus the Ex-Thanksgiving Turkey I have the best of both worlds you see... I live alone and have my turkey bachelor pad (my coop) but from time to time, the female wild turkeys stop in to say hello. This is the best arraingment, because they are not around to nag on me all the time to take them somewhere nice, or to buy them flowers or candy, or to pressure me into marrying one of them. They just come by for a visit every few weeks or so and then they are gone!
      Monday at 2:17pm · 

    • Mr. Wilson the Elderbull You haz it all figured out. What do you say to convince dem to come visits?
      Monday at 2:45pm · 

    • Bocephus the Ex-Thanksgiving Turkey I puff out my feathers and say, "Hey! Womens! Check out this chest!" It never fails...
      Monday at 2:52pm ·  ·  2

    • Mr. Wilson the Elderbull Question- is da Marvin jealous of your awesomeness and handsomeness? He is very jealous of mine- I also have da big handsome chest.
      Monday at 2:56pm ·  ·  2

    • Mr. Wilson the Elderbull And for alsos- I will post dis on my blog laters- so peoples can read about you. And your extreme handsomeness as a turkey. I do not know any other turkeys, but I assume they lack your handsome.
      Monday at 2:57pm ·  ·  1

    • Bocephus the Ex-Thanksgiving Turkey Your name does not lie Mr. Wilson... you are quite the elderbull. Yes, I do believe that Marvin is jealous of my extreme handsomeness. He has a big chest, but he cannot puff it out like I can. He also does not have wings that drag on the floor due to the gigantic size of my chest. We do have lots of Tom Turkeys that come to visit out property in Bradley, and they have more feathers then I do (this is a result of my inappropriate housing situation at my previous home) but they are much more smaller then I, so therefore, much less handsome and awesome.

And then later... we had more discussions... on how to combine our awesomeness:

And dat is all. For now.  But stay tuned and like da Bocephus for more adventures in turkey-ing.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I will not stand for this...

They think they can just steal an hour of my sleep?? Who made them the king of sleepies? I am on da protest. Occupy da bed movement is on!

Friday, March 9, 2012

The Conspiracy of the Bigness - Part 2

If you read da Part 1 - you already knows the question, if you did not, here it is:
MichelleDawn asks:  I want to know when you first discovered the conspiracy of the bigness and how you plan to fight it. 

Part 2 is to explain how I plan to fight it.  I think furst I should tell you my current plans I've made and how they have gone.

Plan A- train the Red man to abandon the conspiracy of the bigness and helps me instead.  The Red, he is easy to trick into helping you.  I think this is how da Bertha got him to cross over to the dark side.  He is also not very good at following plans.  At furst, we had a victory, when he successfully blocked da Bertha out of the kitchen... it was glorious!  Here is da Bertha after her defeat:
But soon, da Red seemed to be taking over the man cave a bit too often and I suspect he has rejoined the army of bigness:

This took me to plan B.  Plan B was to hire a guard for da man cave.  I hired da Fatty, because he is my BFF and I trust him.  As it turns out, he is not very good at da guarding duties. Below is Fatty on the job and the man cave later that day:

This brings us to my new plan, Plan Get da Bertha out of da Man Cave now.  I decided to consult a specialist.  I contacted my furiends at Hammer Out Animal Cruelty and asked:  
So - you may know about my sister da Bertha trying to take over my man cave. She is built like a sumo wrestler. If you had a sumo wrestler trying to take over your locker room - how would you deal with this issue? Thank you for your advice.

They told me:  Well we have found that distraction works best when taking on fighters of Sumo 
backgrounds. To throw them off there game plan, so to say. To defeat Bertha we would suggest putting a treat on a string or fishing pole. When Bertha get close to the entrance of the cave, you simply lure her into another room with the treat. Let us know if this works out for you.

I tried a small version of dis plan today. Bertha was in da man cave - mom brought out treats, when da Bertha went in the kitchen, I took the man cave over and had my treats delivered to da man cave.  It was successful.  Part 2 of this plan is to lure da Bertha into a shipping container with a couch and have one of those wide load trucks drive her to da California to live with da Marvin.  I will keep you posted on my progress.  

Monday, March 5, 2012

Blogging on the move

I have discovered I can blog on da mobile. To test this feature- I am blogging- while on da road. To illustrate why I need this feature- I will include pics of me on the move:

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Da Facebooks Timeline - what da heck is going on?

Marvin suggested I address dis - and also - I am a bit confused myself.  And I am very wise, so I am concerned, by dis confusion.

Da Facebooks sent us a message today saying convert to Timeline or else we will make you anyway.  Dis was a most unpleasant message to wake up to.  So I had to consider whether I would revolt against da Facebooks or do their bidding.

I consulted my furiends.  Da Juno, my girlyfuriend, had already switched and encouraged me to do dis too.  And also, da Marvin switched, but dat was on accident and due to lack of caffeine in da morning.

I tooks a vote on my page and switched because da people had spoken and wanted to see me on timeline.

Here are the good things...
1- I can receive messages from my furiends - at anytime... just send me a message.

2- I can send messages to other pages.  Just today I messaged Marvin to tell him I am more awesome.  Dis is obviously a very useful feature.

3- I can make a big picture and a little picture of me.  Or maybe a big picture made up of many little pictures of me and a little picture - the possibilities are endless, but it means a lot more me.

Now dis is all new and very confusings, but we will make it through together.  Here is my big picture of handsomeness featuring da Wilson Potter, da beautifuls Juno, me, and da Pig (she is in da time outs for her stealing problem).  So dis is part of da awesomeness of my new layout... please bear wit me as I get used to it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Conspiracy of the Bigness - Part 1

MichelleDawn asks:  I want to know when you first discovered the conspiracy of the bigness and how you plan to fight it. 

This is a two part question - today I will answer about discovering da conspiracy of da bigness.  Furst, you must understand, when I furst came home, I was skinny and itchy and missing da furs.  I was also heartworm positive.  So... da mom made sure dat I was comfortable and the other dogs didn't bothers me.  So I had comfortable accommodations and me and da Fatty hung out a lot.  We were around da other dogs, but dey made sure we had our spots and dat we were comfortable and stayed calm through da heartworm treatment.

Then... I started felling betters.  Dis is my before and after pic... once I started looking like da after, I wasn't being kept as calm, so I was out and about wit da other dogs more.... and dat is when it began..

 I noticed da Bertha would do things, like block da ramp to da deck so I coulds not get in da house or yard:

Then, she started lording over my man cave with her bigness.. and uniting with other big dogs to form road blocks:
In da final blow - she invaded my most sacred place, da man cave and traumatized my rememory foam bed:

Stay tuned for my next blog post on how I plan to fight da conspiracy of da bigness!  

Friday, February 17, 2012

Short Answers to Simple Questions

Some peoples asked me questions wit da obvious answers.  So iz will write a short blog post to give you the answers:

Kristy asks: What is your most wise and sagest advice for rowdy puppies?

Answer:  First of all, we do not have puppies around here due to their extreme rowdyness.  Their little puppy brains do not understands how to act calm and reasonable.  All you can do is wait and hope they grows up quickly.  

Tracy asks:  How do I keep my stubborn girl bullie from being so stuborn. She knows when she is doing something wrong but she does it anyway :( She is very smart but she wants to do what she wants.

Answer:  She is not stubborn, she knows what she wants.  You are right, she is smarts lady.  I think dat you should stop trying to deny her da things she loves.  Dat is abuse.  And she is too smart to permit it.

Carol asks: Why does an old dog suddenly decide to get into the garbage...after years of not doing so?

Answer:  Your dog has obviously gotten smarter with age.  Da garbage is where people put all da good stuffs dat dey don't eat and don't want us to eats.  It is really a ridiculous contraption.  I am very proud of your dog for figuring dis out and taking out da food it wants.  

Lucy asks:  Why does Pi never end, and wouldn't it be better if it were never ending pie?

Answer:  You are correct Lucy, dat would be better.  I thinks dat it was some ancient trick that did not work.  They thought if they created a ridiculous number that never ends and named it Pi... then someone would decide that everyone could have never ending pie.  I am currently creating a number called Bacon and hoping I have better luck than they did.