Friday, March 9, 2012

The Conspiracy of the Bigness - Part 2

If you read da Part 1 - you already knows the question, if you did not, here it is:
MichelleDawn asks:  I want to know when you first discovered the conspiracy of the bigness and how you plan to fight it. 

Part 2 is to explain how I plan to fight it.  I think furst I should tell you my current plans I've made and how they have gone.

Plan A- train the Red man to abandon the conspiracy of the bigness and helps me instead.  The Red, he is easy to trick into helping you.  I think this is how da Bertha got him to cross over to the dark side.  He is also not very good at following plans.  At furst, we had a victory, when he successfully blocked da Bertha out of the kitchen... it was glorious!  Here is da Bertha after her defeat:
But soon, da Red seemed to be taking over the man cave a bit too often and I suspect he has rejoined the army of bigness:

This took me to plan B.  Plan B was to hire a guard for da man cave.  I hired da Fatty, because he is my BFF and I trust him.  As it turns out, he is not very good at da guarding duties. Below is Fatty on the job and the man cave later that day:

This brings us to my new plan, Plan Get da Bertha out of da Man Cave now.  I decided to consult a specialist.  I contacted my furiends at Hammer Out Animal Cruelty and asked:  
So - you may know about my sister da Bertha trying to take over my man cave. She is built like a sumo wrestler. If you had a sumo wrestler trying to take over your locker room - how would you deal with this issue? Thank you for your advice.

They told me:  Well we have found that distraction works best when taking on fighters of Sumo 
backgrounds. To throw them off there game plan, so to say. To defeat Bertha we would suggest putting a treat on a string or fishing pole. When Bertha get close to the entrance of the cave, you simply lure her into another room with the treat. Let us know if this works out for you.

I tried a small version of dis plan today. Bertha was in da man cave - mom brought out treats, when da Bertha went in the kitchen, I took the man cave over and had my treats delivered to da man cave.  It was successful.  Part 2 of this plan is to lure da Bertha into a shipping container with a couch and have one of those wide load trucks drive her to da California to live with da Marvin.  I will keep you posted on my progress.  

1 comment:

  1. Your plan is most brilliant, Mr. Wilson. Let me know if you ever get her into a shipping container. ;)